How AD(H)D Looks to Others

Children with ADHD and ADD

Many parents tell me that their child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) or Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) was noticeably more on the go from birth, was uneven in their development (often early to walk, etc.) and it was harder to get and keep their attention. The ADD/ADHD child often misses what is said, loses things and doesn’t remember their chores, all despite their seemingly genuine promises.

The ADD/ADHD child can’t seem to stay on the “rug” in Kindergarten or on topic in class. When things interest them, though, they seem capable of understanding how things work (intuition) to amazing levels of complexity. They often develop areas of dedicated (obsessive) interest: sharks, war/video games, fashion…for which they are hungry for details and connections.

The ADD/ADHD child can be gregarious or shy, depending on their familiarity with the situation. They usually don’t gravitate to team sports, unless they are drawn in by the action, or they discover a unique skill. When they do play sports, they can be amazingly good soccer goalies, pitchers, ballet dancers and rowers.

ADHD and ADD and Social Interaction

Social interaction for individuals with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or Attention Deficit Disorder is usually a challenge. They have social skills, personality and humor, but they often hyper-think about what is happening, what was just said and what else they would rather be doing. Adding this to the general unpredictably of human interaction sets the stage for “social anxiety.” They often also lack the attention to others necessary to sustain friendships.

People with ADD/ADHD are generally well liked by others, but they seem to forget important details. They focus stubbornly on what is important to them and disregard what is loosely considered “common sense.” Even worse, they seem to enjoy their sense of “living outside the box” and their dedication to “surfing on the front edge of possibility.”So there is a basic unpredictability to the ADD/ADHD person’s thinking, emotions and behavior -which undermines trust and engenders frustration in their friends and family members. They often feel un-appreciated and un-popular, with a sense of despair that anything in their lives can change or work for them.

ADHD and ADD and Academic and Professional Success

Teachers are often frustrated when they have a student who is “very bright but not working up to potential.”Their frustration can be perceived by the ADD/ADHD student as overly critical and being disliked. In contrast, students can pay attention and work hard when they are interested and feel connected to their surroundings.

The experience of friends, spouses and social or business partners of the ADD/ADHD individual ranges from mild curiosity to frustrated confusion. The inability to apply oneself with persistence and determination is often seen as a lack of interest, motivation, self-discipline and commitment, or perhaps laziness, disorganization and irresponsibility.

I find it critical to an ADD/ADHD person’s success that they are able to accept the views of others as having some value but not as an indictment of them personally. When this occurs, they are less likely to be defensive and more likely to acknowledge, as well as accept, their own actions as something to be improved.